Early in February my emotional state was hitting critical mass. I was feeling unimportant, unsuccessful, and boring. After talking with Jesse a little bit, I realized that a primary source of these problems was Facebook.
I was measuring my life in likes, seeking approval and validation in the comments. When a peer posted a picture of her new haircut, I would instantly compare myself to her, wondering why her profile picture had so many more likes than mine. I felt ugly. When people stopped telling me how cool I looked on Facebook, I felt boring. It had been a while since I had posted a picture of myself on top of a mountain. Did this mean I was no longer worthy of attention? According to my perception of myself on Facebook, yes.
As my newsfeed was filled up with Thirsty Thursdays and weekend trips to Atlantic City, I felt left out. Why wasn't anyone inviting me out to the bar? Why wasn't I on the short list for a weekend at the beach house? I felt as though my life should match the highlight reel that everyone posts on Facebook.
So, without any announcement or build up, I quit. After using Facebook for over 7 years, I expected to crave it, to feel like I was out of the loop. Honestly, though, it's been easy. I am still tempted to type "facebook.com" into my url bar, but not because I want to know what's going on. I do it out of habit. Then, I stop and realize that I don't care.
When I want to know what my friends are doing - friends, not "friends" - I ask them. I text them. I email them. Maybe I'll tweet them on Twitter. I even started a pen-pal relationship with an old friend on the west coast. It has been a fun challenge. I am no longer passively interacting with people I barely know. I am actively engaging my friends.
Quitting Facebook has also caused me to reevaluate my friendships. Who is worth the time? Who are acquaintances and who are friends? I've let a few people slip into the "acquaintance" category, and I've bumped others up into the "I want to be friends with this person so I'm going to make the effort" category. It takes a lot of effort, I've realized, to make friends and keep friends. It's so much more than a friend request.
Did quitting Facebook solve all my self-esteem issues? Absolutely not. But it did limit the triggers. Sometimes I miss the ability to reach a large audience quickly (have ya'll seen my new project Feeding My Love?), but I like the privacy I am now afforded. I don't feel compelled to tell everyone everything. I feel a little more comfortable being me.
Are you thinking about quitting Facebook? Have you pulled the plug already? Tell me about it in the comments section!
Hmmm...interesting. You know, I've felt the same way, but for different reasons I think.
ReplyDeleteFor me it's not the comments/likes that send me into a spiral of depression. It's really just the constant stream of successes that I get from other people on Facebook. One day you log in, a friend has a new internship in the city (Immediately I think, "I wish I could afford the commute") the next day another friend has been recognized for XYZ (Immediately I think..."I could totally do that!") The constant stream of success that you experience on Facebook (because nobody shares their failures) is so hard to ignore. And it makes you feel inadequate. Especially when you use it as a measure of comparison. Everyone I have added is around my age so I wonder, "Why aren't I doing that? Why don't I push myself?"
Hyper-comparison really messes you up...Recently, to deal with the natural tendency, I've tried to just focus on a few things that make me happy. Even if no one else likes them, I do. Like drawing. Or doing yoga. And the strangest thing is that they feel even more special when you DON'T share them.
"I don't feel compelled to tell everyone everything."
YES. Thank you for sharing this Christa :)
Yasmeen